My
mate Tom ('Grimey') e-mailed me this the other day, I think this is
at the least interesting and I would say that it describes my personality
well. I definitely like its analogue of me as a rock star! Oh I am a
Capricorn. Oh I should also mention how I do think that horoscopes is
bollocks. Oh there is that word again, I heard it shouted enough at
Reading to last me a lifetime. Huge "bollocks" shouts would
go over the whole camp site. I was even an instigator of it for 50 Cent
though! :-)
ARIES
Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to
call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time
shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty
after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to
get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can
become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened
should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted
on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything
really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
Trademark cocktails
Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food
and red things -- and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes,
onions, olives and greens. That's right, Aries, you were born under
the sign of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they've
been known to kick back a salty dog and a sea breeze or two. For extreme
hotcha, try a concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it.
Drinking buddies
Marlon Brando, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Al Gore,
Thomas Jefferson, Elton John, Eric McCormack, Rosie O'Donnell, Sarah
Jessica Parker, Reese Witherspoon
TAURUS
Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow
rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person
stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red
wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference
for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing
is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull
is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get,
er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
Trademark cocktails
Early-to-bed Taureans need a picker-upper -- try a Red Bull and vodka.
They also have a leviathan sweet tooth and are fond of drinks with names
that sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks,
like Irish coffee or white Russians, are ideal. More macho Taureans
will go for something unpretentious, like a Jack and Coke or whiskey
sour.
Drinking buddies
Cate Blanchett, Tony Blair, Pierce Brosnan, Cher, Penelope Cruz, William
Randolph Hearst, Jerry Seinfeld, Barbara Striesand, Uma Thurman, Renee
Zellweger
GEMINI
Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to
tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion,
then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication,
like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt
successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several
people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round --
repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks:
beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
Trademark cocktails
Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their drinks -- those
with two parts, like a black and tan (or just a double), are particularly
appealing. Otherwise, they'll drink all over the map, ordering frou-frou
drinks to add to their collection of cocktail monkeys or going for whiskey
rocks because they're feeling rather noir. Gemini rules the herb anise
-- make some home-infused anise vodka as a gift.
Drinking buddies
George Bush Sr., Johnny Depp, Rupert Everett, Boy George, Allen Ginsberg,
Angelina Jolie, John Kennedy, Ian McKellen, Kylie Minogue, Morrissey
CANCER
Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work
beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like
fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery.
Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating
themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are
never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional"
(read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping
stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite
Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. Keep in mind once
started, a Cancer never stops... drinking.
Trademark cocktails
Ruled by the moon, Cancers are intrigued by the idea of moonshine --
any booze, from a bourbon press to a whiskey and soda to grandpappy's
special brew in a mason jar, will do. They also like comfortingly warm
and sweet drinks, like hot toddies and hot buttered rums. The sign also
rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla
vodka and soda. Though a six-pack of bud will do.
Drinking buddies
Pamela Anderson, George W. Bush, Bill Cosby, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford,
Sean Hayes, Lil' Kim, George Michael, Princess Diana, Prince William
LEO
Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and
usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity
and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling
-- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably
because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed,
expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what brung
them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just
try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish Lion to
make it up to you the next day.
Trademark cocktails
Leos like flashy drinks, be they complicated tropical concoctions festooned
with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common strawberry daiquiri
or mai tai. Indeed, they often have a taste for the fruity -- try a
screwdriver, or add an extra cherry to the next Manhattan. Their sense
of drama lends itself to a kir royale, of course.
Drinking buddies
Ben Affleck, Gillian Anderson, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer
Lopez, Madonna, Debra Messing, Kevin Spacey, Martha Stewart, Andy Warhol
VIRGO
Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their
famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other
signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking
down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked
-- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's
an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped.
It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used
to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence
tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
Trademark cocktails
Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic
or a real margarita, though you'll find 'em drinking anything -- from
unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty
virgin. They also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari
and soda. They rarely change their drink once they've found it, however.
Drinking buddies
Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Christopher Isherwood, Michael Jackson, Freddie
Mercury, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dorothy Parker, Ryan Philippe, Keanu Reeves,
Lily Tomlin
LIBRA
Drinking style
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht
that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party,
mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra
(with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil
Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can
really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking
in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble
-- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening,
flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's
events entirely. Oops!
Trademark cocktails
Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a pink lady or a brandy
Alexander. That's the influence of Venus, their ruling planet, which
also gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex on the Beach.
They're fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but
every Libra secretly just wants Champagne, and lots of it.
Drinking buddies
Jimmy Carter, Simon Cowell, Ani DiFranco, Janeane Garofalo, Hugh Jackman,
Martina Navratilova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting, Oscar Wilde, Catherine
Zeta-Jones
SCORPIO
Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you
and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering
drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you
if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something
to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though
if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally,
they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and
dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you
did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
Trademark cocktails
Just as a Scorpio can look you in the eye and smile while secretly plotting
your demise, so does the brandy-laced stinger's sweet taste hide a potent
amount of alcohol. If you want to get literal, serve them a scorpion
-- they may not love tropical drinks, but it shows you're paying attention.
Scorpio rules watermelon, so break out the blender and fix a pitcher
of watermelon margaritas to seduce 'em -- though red wine will do the
trick just as well.
Drinking buddies
Truman Capote, Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jodie Foster, Bill
Gates, k.d. lang, Megan Mullally, Demi Moore, Sylvia Plath, RuPaul
SAGITTARIUS
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness:
When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own.
Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This
is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign
of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?).
They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the
entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground,
or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high
possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
Trademark cocktails
A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like
Moscow mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps even a Long Island iced tea
(not a bad option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay vertical).
Party monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the ever-popular
lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right about
now, come to think of it.
Drinking buddies
The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Noel Coward, Betty Ford, Lucy Liu, Brad
Pitt, Keith Richards, Frank Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears
CAPRICORN
Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry
and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party
list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention
Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously
charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves,
who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either
totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant
to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook
up with a cute groupie.
Trademark cocktails
Old-fashioned Cap would probably like an old-fashioned just fine --
or a dry martini, or a gin and tonic, or a gimlet -- or any other no-nonsense
quaff. They prefer drinks that taste like alcohol and generally hate
drinks with more than three ingredients. However, they like the flavor
of cranberry and will order a cosmo if they can handle the wait for
it to get mixed.
Drinking buddies
Orlando Bloom, David Bowie, James Dean, Marlene Dietrich, Martin Luther
King Jr., Jude Law, Annie Lennox, Marilyn Manson, Richard Nixon, Elvis
Presley
AQUARIUS
Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water,
that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if
they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or
a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however,
they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they
make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually
capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if
you can get them before they start raising their wrist): Aquarius is
fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations
with soused strangers while sober.
Trademark cocktails
Aquarius is likely to order stuff most people have never heard of: a
capirinha, Satan's whiskers, a negroni, an Arthur Tompkins. They like
to stump the bartender. This sign rules the color electric blue and
would be pleased by any tipple featuring blue curacao. They also rule
the olive tree, so pour the juice into that dirty martini.
Drinking buddies
Jennifer Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Dre, Matt Groening, Ashton Kutcher,
Ronald Reagan, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake, Oprah Winfrey, Elijah
Wood
PISCES
Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign
-- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and
Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy,
out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty
tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other
hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation
or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher
of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive
personality" can be read two ways, you know.
Trademark Cocktails
Pisces rules fresh mint, and they do love a mojito or three -- though
a julep will do just as well. They also like punches, like sangria or
the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch. (Pretty much anything will satisfy
a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking like a fish" is an
idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.) Pisces is a
chocoholic and loves creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa).
Drinking buddies
Drew Barrymore, Chastity Bono, Chelsea Clinton, Kurt Cobain, Edward
Gorey, Queen Latifah, Liza Minelli, Anais Nin, Sharon Stone, Liz Taylor
